I ruined a real relationship with a real man that I had been with for 11 years for a JW who used me, got his rocks off, then told me to hang in there. I have lost everything for this person, and does this person care???? I doubt it. He should've never gotten involved with me to begin with if he wasn't serious in the first place. I lost everything--the only man who I can say truly did love me, my house, my car, my sanity...all for nothing. When he needed me I was there for the idiot, now I need him more than ever, and he says and I quote, "I just can't". He won't even answer his phone. And we were so close, then he went and got spiritual on me, deciding that after he slept with me countless times that it was wrong in all mighty Jehovah's eyes. Bullshit--he used me and broke my heart and ruined my life. Why did I get involved with him? Because I am a f****** idiot. I let him whirl me around his finger because I don't have a brain in my head. So what's the sense of this post? I AM PISSED. Who does these goody-two-shoes think they are? They prance around all high mighty, like I'm such worldly trash, immune to heart break, or maybe they think that we're disposable toys that they can play with as needed. I never told this idiot my true feelings, and I need to get it off my chest, it won't make a difference to him how I feel, I know.
But I was falling in love with him. Actually I fell in love with him that night we went riding around the world in his car, as sad as this sounds, that was one of the best nights of my life, I can't remember a time that I was so happy. I would've given him the world, I would've done anything to make him happy, but I don't know what is wrong with him, he's so foolish. I am so pathetic, that I make myself sick, I lost a man who really did love and care about me, for a 3 month fling with someone too preoccupied in pleasing himself and the congregation. Well, screw the congregation, the elders can kiss my ass, and for you M.S. you gave up what could've been the best thing in your 30 yrs of depression and self pity. You said it yourself, when we were together you didn't need the antidepressants.
But I let myself fall, I created this horrible reality of utter loneliness, but he was not an innocent by-stander, he made the first move, and came on to me. I fell for his charm all the way. I dug this grave, now I must lie in it. But for him, I see the way he flirts with little Ms. sister slut, at least she is JW, as I was not, but she flirts with everyone, and when she smiles, this gross decaying tooth smiles right on back, yuck. I am sure soon they will be playing touch and feel between the sheets soon, although, I think, since I am a member of the babylon the great rat pack, and have absolutely nothing to loose--I think I'm gonna find me an elder and have a little chat with him. I am sure getting wild and naked with a babylonian esp. outside of marriage is a very big no-no. It's like I am the devil in his eyes right now. It's me, who's heart was totally mislead then broken. He's the evil one.